the funny thing about hospital bills

About a week after the birth, we received three separate bills from the hospital. Two were for around $5,000 each, and one for over $32,000. They weren’t itemized but rather mentioned a few of the services rendered by title. For example, Nursery/Level I: $3646. (What “nursery”? I don’t recall any such service.) A note on the side stated that if we want an actual itemized bill, we have to ask

While each “bill” stated at the top “For Your Information Only,” each came with a return envelope for submitting payment. As if we might just say to ourselves, oh, yes, $42,000. Let me just write you a check. Oh wait, three separate checks. Of course.

I waited. A couple of weeks later we received three more envelopes from the hospital, with actual bills (marked “Bill For Services”) inside — and three more return envelopes. This time, there were no notes about what the amounts were for. (Shame on you if you threw away the FYI letters.) Two of the bills showed the insurance payments and the reduced, adjusted fees owed. But one still said $5,000+.

So I called the insurance company on Monday and asked. They said I wasn’t responsible, that it was part of the adjusted amount or something. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, (may I blame sleep deprivation?) so I just wrote it down verbatim “‘included in total delivery charge,’ Armando, 12/31, Blue Cross” and called the hospital.

It took less than five minutes. Oh yes, she said. No problem. Just disregard that bill.

Wow, okay. That was easy.