Quick, before my brain gets in the way or the toddler starts screaming…
I am in a dilemma about preschool. I think we may be changing to a new one. This situation is so fraught with thoughts, it’s hard to write about it. It’s hard to not write about it. I can’t remember who has this URL. Are you a preschool friend/teacher/administrator reading this? Great. If A, call me. If B or C, can we please make an appointment to talk?
My preschool isn’t great (gross understatement) when it comes to parent-school communication and I’m wondering if we might be happier somewhere else. I’m also not so sure Montessori was such a good choice for us. Maybe Jonah needs more attention. Maybe I need more attention.
And due to several miscommunications back when we started regarding what would happen if Jonah was determined to be unable to nap or lay quietly on his mat during naptime, his current school is unable to keep him past 1 p.m. until he’s 4, and even then he has to be able to lie on a mat and listen to music quietly for about 45 minutes each day.
Not so much.
I’m sad to leave our current situation because on the whole, teachers are nice, the grounds and facilities are beautiful, the parents and kids are great.
But I think both Jonah and I are too loud, too needy, and too unruly for the school – even though it’s hardly a STRICT Montessori environment (I’ve seen those, one in particular I like to think of as a cross between Yale and a battleship, with mini-potties).
I liken our current situation to being in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally available. When I was in those situations (over and over, ad nauseum) I would often feel like a crazy person, like I was too much. And I would act… unbalanced, calling too much, whining. And I was often TOLD I was crazy. Which didn’t help. But one day I got it. With the right person (Hi, Honey!) I’m not too much. I even ACT less crazy when I feel I’m being heard and met.
So there. I kind of want to break up with my preschool.
And I’m scared that another situation won’t be better. Just different.
I’m scared we’ll regret it. I’m scared Jonah will be upset. Though he’s never seemed to truly love going to this one. Hard to gauge a 2-1/2 year old on that.
Gah!
And to extend the relationship metaphor, am I just doing a grass-is-always greener thing?
What if everything is okay where he is? What if everything is okay either way?
What if you want to trust your gut but your gut is sending mixed messages?
Alrighty, now you know what’s up.
Discuss…
Memories, memories.
It’s been thirty years since my wife and I had kids in preschool so I’m sure the pre-school world is now a very different place. Our two youngest were only 18 months apart so it was almost like having twins. (In fact, my wife discovered a couple of churches that had annual twins sales for clothes and toys and they got lots of nice clothes that way.)
Our first pre-school was part of a large established university and we loved it. Old buildings, traditional ways, a cluster of really smart kids from grad students and faculty and an experienced lady in charge who had been doing the job for years. And it showed.
They were interrupted midway because an older sibling needed team teaching for LD problems (back when lots of teachers didn’t “believe” in such things) so we moved to suburbia.
The suburban elementary and high schools were great, but we learned quickly that suburban preschools were the same approach writ small. Big emphasis on numbers, writing, conceptual thinking and stuff like that. These were the offspring of movers and shakers, future leaders of the community, and they expected their kids to be chips off the same block.
The contrast was palpable. Their previous peers in town from academic families were certain to be smart and accomplished. Their parents’ greatest fears were that their kids might grow up to be anti-social nerds or narrowly-focused wonks. Their hope was that their children get along with one another, play in the sandpile and act “normal” whatever that was. Academics and such was of little importance beside social development.
Our children didn’t suffer from having too much academic excellence shoved down them, but we were always glad they had a taste of an alternative early on. Today, thirty years later, we still maintain a couple of connections with those younger years. Somehow they seem to have been more durable.
Good luck with your pre-school dilemma.
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I don’t think that expecting kids (until they are 4!) to lay quietly for 45 minutes is rational. And if the communication is bad, that’s another strong reason to change. Trust your gut!
Zack is three and still naps for an hour to an hour and a half so I can see where they would need him to be able to do something for that time if he’s not napping.
But over all, go with your gut. If you feel that it is not the right place for you, move him to somewhere you feel more comfortable.
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Julie,
How about a morning preschool program — he could still nap in the afternoon….
If only he would nap in the afternoon! It’s a bit like green eggs and ham these days, without the happy ending (not in a car, not in house, not with a fox, not with a mouse…)
Oh, Julie… argh (though I had to giggle a little when you wrote that you kind of want to break up with the preschool).
I agree wholeheartedly with the others who suggest you do trust your gut. And the way you are writing about the situation, I think deep down your gut is saying it’s time to move on. And it’s probably more a matter of second guessing yourself, rather than mixed messages from your gut. Sure, you don’t want to make a mistake — no parent wants that, right? And while perhaps you’ll both be fine regardless of whether you change schools or not, I’m guessing you’d be a lot happier at another school. You just need to find that place.
Good luck!
Julie, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s awfully hard to work or concentrate when you are worrying about preschool. It couldn’t hurt to at least explore other options. Maybe seeing the right new place would make you feel more comfortable–even excited–about switching.
For the record: at my son’s preschool, if kids can’t/won’t sleep during naptime, they can do something else as long as it’s quiet (look at books, color).
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