outlook good, but the blogging will suffer

Expect lulls in this space. The book editing project is bigger than I’d imagined. What had I imagined? Oh a few hours here and there, tra la la. Ummmm… no. Watch as my stoned-on-oxytocin mommy brain is catapulted through the looking glass into the work world. Ouch.

And my mother’s helper? She has the flu. Fun times.

On the plus side, today Jonah decided to nap for TWO AND A HALF HOURS STRAIGHT, and in his crib thank you, smack dab in the middle of the day. Did I get stuff done? Oh did I ever! If only he’ll continue such stellar performances. Who knows. I may help make this book I’m working on something worth reading after all.

Have we talked before about how sleep deprivation and the hormones released while breastfeeding make you stupid docile? Not a great thing to say when I’m trying to pull off the WAHM thing, but it occurs to me from time to time that this brain fog is nature’s way of making sure we don’t just put the baby down and run away.

I am still sleep deprived, yes. Couldn’t sleep at all that first night Jonah went into his own room. I missed him. And I was excited. Like the night before you leave on a long vacation somewhere exotic. I was up at 1 when he needed to nurse, still up at 4 when he needed me again.

The next night I slept so hard, I didn’t hear any of his cries. Scott woke me each time. And I slogged down the hall, wondering if this nursing not-in-the-bed is worth it, but it must be because I keep feeling like this is how I want things to go. I do miss sleeping next to him, but I don’t miss the kicking and flinging and rolling and whatnot.

I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping a lot better without us disturbing him. And I’m pretty sure one day I’ll start sleeping normally again, maybe.

Hard? Yeah, this mom thing is hard. But I’m too dazed to get all in a tizzy about it.

Not that I started this post to complain.

In fact, I’m not complaining AT ALL.

In the accidentally doing something maybe right category: Jonah has now slept in his crib for three days and nights running (counting tonight). He goes down fairly easily, relatively speaking. We’ve even got a bedtime ritual. Dang, I never thought I’d get a ritual. I have doubts as to whether he associates any of it with sleep, but Scott pointed out that it does serve to focus OUR energy anyway: Breastfeed, diaper change, sleep sac, pacifier, lovey, book, rocking and singing (and whining and wiggling), and into the crib. All three nights, he’s been just slightly awake when he went down, and fussed for a few minutes on at least one of those nights that I can remember, and one he didn’t.

Oh, and today, he rolled over. Over and over. From his belly to his back. Grinning with the pleasure of it each time. I took videos. Place baby, press record, roll, laugh, repeat. By the last video, he looks a little tired, but still enthusiastic. I think that may have something to do with why the long long nap after.

The only thing I would complain about, if you asked, is missing Jonah while I’m working. He’s been spending a lot more time with his dad, which is good for them, but I missed him terribly most of Monday (Scott’s day off) and a good chunk of yesterday when I had to go into the City for a work meeting and so today I was glad to lose my childcare person and have every excuse to be only, completely and totally, with my boy. I think he liked that too.