still lifes

1.

It’s quiet. Except for the wind through the trees, and the wind chimes. The ones that Scott usually relegates to the basement in winter because the noise irritates him. But not this winter. The bedroom window frame rattles slightly with the gusts. The baby is asleep on my chest, wrapped in the Moby. I can hear his breath against my sternum. Reassuring rhythm. He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive. The refrigerator hums in the kitchen.

2.

The baby is crying. He’s hungry, I’m hungry. I decide to make a sandwich first. Take care of momma, then feed baby. Toasted mini pita, leftover turkey, havarti cheese, micro greens. One-handed snack in paper towel. Take two bites. Head to bedroom. Put pita on nightstand. Get into nursing position. (Loud wet farting sound). Must change baby. Take baby to bathroom, clean up poop, re-diaper. Return to find sandwich is now open face. Cat Bambino is nose-down in the turkey slice. Yell at him even though his brain is size of walnut. Momma hungry, baby hungry, cat hungry. Shoo him out of house. No time, energy, or will to make new sandwich. Sit down and nurse baby. Cry.

3.

The baby is crying. He can’t be hungry. Is he hungry? Momma is worn out. Poppa changes diaper. Momma lies down. Poppa takes baby into nursery, swaddles him, rocks him to quiet in the glider chair in the near-dark while NPR plays loudly; soothing, reverberant tones. Momma sleeps.

5 comments for “still lifes

  1. December 11, 2007 at 11:42 am

    An air filter provides good white noise and might help baby sleep — we keep ours running all the time since it has a HEPA filter. It’s easier than hauling out a vacuum cleaner!

  2. December 11, 2007 at 11:53 am

    Thanks Jane! Yes! We actually have two HEPA air purifiers that are not being used right now. Will have to get those going!

  3. December 11, 2007 at 2:31 pm

    We used a fan. A small portable fan and burned through two motors. We constantly played music and still do.
    Follow your instincts and when all else fails, put him on your boob (this part will end SOON, I promise!). You can never hear it enough, you are doing great. He needs nothing more than you are giving him right now.

  4. laura
    December 11, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    Hi, Julie, and belated congratulations on the birth of your lovely son! This is Laura, from swim class at the Y…we had almost the same due dates (I was the one in the black two-piece, tattoo on my tummy if that helps you remember!). Your birth story and the tale of your early days sound remarkably similar to what I have experienced with my own son (born November 25). I hope all is going well for you, and if you’re looking for mamas with similar-age babies to hang out with/have coffee, feel free to email!

    best,

    laura

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