lessons in life-saving

So, this week we attended our infant CPR class. For about three hours, in a fluorescently-lit room with no windows, we expecting couples repeatedly practiced life-saving techniques on small and mid-size baby replicas, in the case of choking, or/and loss of consciousness.

It involved a lot of thumping.

If choking: Flip baby over, making sure to rest a smaller baby on arm, and then on leg (you’re sitting down, leg is bent, foot out, to create 45-degree slope). Thwack baby with heel of hand between shoulders, five times, pausing a second between each to see if you’ve succeeded in dislodging object before continuing. Then flip baby over, again, supported on arm, against leg, unless bigger baby, and then he’s just supported on leg, again pointing down at 45-degree angle, and press sternum bone in, five times, pausing between. Don’t stick your finger in the mouth to try to dislodge the object as you could push it further in. Unless it’s already really out, and visibly resting in the cheek.

Oh — and call 911.

But don’t call 911 from your cell phone, because that goes to CHP and they have been known to sometimes let the phone ring for up to 27 minutes before responding. (Land lines are fine — they don’t have this routing problem.) Cell phones need to have the local emergency numbers programmed in instead. You can even use the numbers for services in your city, and the neighboring city, if you want.

If that doesn’t work to dislodge the object, the child may pass out. This could actually help because his throat will relax.

But now you have to do CPR: Check for breathing for ten whole excruciating seconds. Then gently blow two breaths into the baby, your mouth over his nose and mouth (for this practice, each couple had a rubber face or/and rubber nose/mouth section to fit into the model babies, for sanitary reasons). Hopefully the airway is not totally blocked so this will do something. Then press two fingers into the sternum to massage the heart and pump the blood through the body, thirty times, to the rhythm of the Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive.”

Really?

(Shudder.)

Yes.

If can play that song in your head — that’s the equivalent of 100 beats per minute, just what baby needs (on two levels).

There are lots more details, like exactly how to place your fingers on sternum and where. The difference between heart massage pressure and dislodge the object pressure on sternum. What to do in case of vomiting… Please don’t follow this post in an emergency — take your own CPR class!

Ours was at the dreaded hospital. Not so dreaded when we’re getting such useful, if disconcerting, and hopefully never-needed information.

We went over some other items, like how very many things constitute choking hazards (if it can fit inside a toilet paper roll center, it’s likely to get lodged in a child’s throat.

The top five hazards in the U.S. are nearly everything you’d eat at a ballgame: peanuts, hot dog bites, popcorn, hard candy, and grapes. Of course raw carrots, cherry tomatoes, anything round and hard…

And then the nonfood items, like pennies, deflated balloons, magnets, buttons, and even those outlet protectors people buy for childproofing the house.

And would you believe… open-faced peanut butter sandwiches? Those get stuck.

We also talked about other types of emergencies, and how to respond. The instructor gave each couple a big first-aid how-to poster, like what you see in employee break rooms at restaurants and large companies.

The other rather frightening statistic: 30% of all infant and child accidental poisonings happen at a grandparent’s house, or under a grandparent’s care. This is because older people are more likely to have medications — out on a counter, or in a reachable cabinet or drawer, where a curious child can get into it.

(I think it would be good for grandparents to know CPR and first aid too.)

I pray I recall how to do this stuff if I ever have to. We’re supposed to practice tonight at home, to remind ourselves bodily of what we learned. Body memory being more reliable in these types of situations.