We all arrive relatively on time: six couples — five student pairs, plus the teacher and her husband (their baby is due in January). We take our shoes off as directed before entering the house, a classic Berkeley Zen/Craftsman with lots of wood and windows and Japanese accents.
After introductions, the men (not that it couldn’t have been lesbian partners, but this session happens to be all male/female) are sent back outside to the garden while we women stay in, each group to share on the questions: what am I looking forward to; and what am I apprehensive about?
I speak first — my looking forward to is actually getting to have a natural childbirth experience because (surprise) my apprehension is around being induced or otherwise flagged for something during various tests and monitorings and flipped into an emergency situation. But going back to the positive, I realize part of what I’m looking forward to is how we are going to pack up our things (clothes, honey, music, etc.) and go on an adventure together.
The teacher likes this answer. I like feeling like I got a good grade — I’m such a Lisa-Simpson-esque geek that way.
Another woman talks about how she is fantasizing about scheduling a c-section to avoid the risk of Cerebral Palsy (I didn’t even know to worry about this!).
Many mention looking forward to holding the baby.
That’s the funny thing — I just can’t picture that part. Holding the baby. It is completely unfathomable to me. Everything up to the birth, I’m good. After that, it’s hazy.
Two of the six couples will be having homebirths (including the teacher, who will coincidentally be assisted in-part by my doula). I try to contain my jealousy, but it’s not easy, since the video we watch that night (there’s always at least one birth video at these things, if not several), is of a homebirth that takes place in a giant tub, specially rented for that purpose. The lights are dim. Conversation is in soft tones, except for the occasional moan from the mother. The word “LOVE” is painted on a sheet of paper, hanging on the otherwise blank wall behind. The naked couple — he’s in the tub behind her, supporting her body, whispering encouragement, look positively serene, even when she’s pushing.
We’re told we could rent a tub like that for laboring at home, before going to the hospital. Okay, cool idea, but no, I don’t think we’ll be doing that.
The bulk of the class session is spent going over the hypnosis and guided meditation scripts — our partners are to record these scripts for us and then we are to listen to them once a day. Clever trick because the script is all about planting relaxation cues into the conscious and subconscious minds, and one of the cues is something to the effect of “When you hear the sound of my voice, you will immediately become relaxed.”
We learn to breathe yoga-style, and to count our breaths in meditation, Zen-style. Then, teacher brings out… THE ICE CUBES (duh dun duhhhhhhh!)
Round 1: We hold the cube for one minute. Both partners do this exercise, giving the men the empathy experience. We each rate how much pain we felt and share with our mates. Interestingly, Scott’s number was higher than mine (maybe women are stronger?).
Round 2: Hold the cube for one minute, focusing on a specific visual point.
Round 3: One minute, eyes closed, focusing on sounds
Round 4: One minute, while partner does the “hypnobirthing massage” — basically tickling mama’s back from tailbone to skull to induce goosebumps.
Amazingly, the Round 4 technique was what did it for me. I hardly noticed the ice cube at all. Rounds 1-3 were excruciating, relative to that.
Part of our homework is to practice the ice cube techniques once a day. Needless to say, I haven’t jumped to accomplish that just yet. But we still have three more weeks of class, and about eight more weeks to the birth, theoretically, so there’s time.
Other exercises that evening included going over a sample Birth Preferences list, looking at life-size drawings of our babies at various stages (I knew he was big, but that big?), and having our partners pick a set of affirmations for us from a list, and writing those affirmations on sheets of paper with multicolored sharpies — which we then have to post around the house, inside cabinet doors, and other places that will surprise and remind us of these positive thoughts.
“I drop all fear as I prepare for birth” is hanging from my office bookcase. “I have everything I need” is on the mirror in the bathroom… etc. I’m not usually a fan or proponent of affirmations, but for some reason, I’m enjoying these. Considering making even more mini posters to hang around the house. Positive thinking or denial? Whichever, as long as it feels good.
The ice cube trick is fascinating — sounds like you are learning a lot!