non-blogging elucidated

Quick, before my brain gets in the way or the toddler starts screaming…

I am in a dilemma about preschool. I think we may be changing to a new one. This situation is so fraught with thoughts, it’s hard to write about it. It’s hard to not write about it. I can’t remember who has this URL. Are you a preschool friend/teacher/administrator reading this? Great. If A, call me. If B or C, can we please make an appointment to talk?

My preschool isn’t great (gross understatement) when it comes to parent-school communication and I’m wondering if we might be happier somewhere else. I’m also not so sure Montessori was such a good choice for us. Maybe Jonah needs more attention. Maybe I need more attention.

And due to several miscommunications back when we started regarding what would happen if Jonah was determined to be unable to nap or lay quietly on his mat during naptime, his current school is unable to keep him past 1 p.m. until he’s 4, and even then he has to be able to lie on a mat and listen to music quietly for about 45 minutes each day.

Not so much.

I’m sad to leave our current situation because on the whole, teachers are nice, the grounds and facilities are beautiful, the parents and kids are great.

But I think both Jonah and I are too loud, too needy, and too unruly for the school – even though it’s hardly a STRICT Montessori environment (I’ve seen those, one in particular I like to think of as a cross between Yale and a battleship, with mini-potties).

I liken our current situation to being in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally available. When I was in those situations (over and over, ad nauseum) I would often feel like a crazy person, like I was too much. And I would act… unbalanced, calling too much, whining. And I was often TOLD I was crazy. Which didn’t help. But one day I got it. With the right person (Hi, Honey!) I’m not too much. I even ACT less crazy when I feel I’m being heard and met.

So there. I kind of want to break up with my preschool.

And I’m scared that another situation won’t be better. Just different.

I’m scared we’ll regret it. I’m scared Jonah will be upset. Though he’s never seemed to truly love going to this one. Hard to gauge a 2-1/2 year old on that.

Gah!

And to extend the relationship metaphor, am I just doing a grass-is-always greener thing?

What if everything is okay where he is? What if everything is okay either way?

What if you want to trust your gut but your gut is sending mixed messages?

Alrighty, now you know what’s up.

Discuss…