am i too old to rock these boots?

Dude.

These boots are serious. Stomper girl. Biker girl. Coffee house barrista girl with tattoos and a Betty Page haircut serious.

Super comfortable, too.

But am I just too old?

I’m 39, creeping up on 40. Boots like this need flouncy skirts, or kilts maybe. Private school uniform skirts. Cunning tights. Polka dots, stripes. Diametrically paired with a really feminine dress. Certainly not with pants — anyway, with my new-mom potato shape, tucking pants into these would extend my potato-ness, rather than drawing the eye away from.

Above the knee skirts would be in order. Am I even allowed to show my knees anymore? With the help of hosiery, my legs are currently my best feature. But at my advanced age? Stacy and Clinton wouldn’t let me get away with more than a hint, a flash of knee. I’m sure.

Just over one-year post partum, here’s the situation: My midsection is not returning to any semblance of normal, despite my having returned to my high-but-formerly-shapely pre-pregnancy weight. My old clothes don’t fit. Many of my old shoes don’t fit either. And some of my old clothes are really really old. I tried to take my 10-year-old (not kidding) but still in decent condition wool suit pants (vintage Banana Republic “Martin”) in four different colors (black, brown, gray, beige) to the consignment store. I think they could smell the ancient dry cleaning fluid before they even opened the bag. No dice. They don’t want them, I don’t want them. Even if they did fit, which they don’t.

But is that my style? Should I get more suit pants? I don’t work outside the home. I don’t think I’m into the mannish woman style anymore. It was a big one for me, for years. I even bought some lovely trousers from the Gap recently that fit great. But I have no desire to wear them whatsoever. Darn it!

Who am I? Holy cr*p.

These look nice. Right? Mine are beige. But so far they only hang in my closet, not on me.

I want to throw away (or rather dump off at Goodwill) my eight million turtlenecks (who was that girl???), my three (count ’em, THREE) boring and not so great fitting anymore wool 3/4 length coats of varying non-shapes (gray, beige, black).

I have one fabulous coat. A floor length, thin black wool felt, belted, DKNY. It cost a fortune. A gift from my mom MANY years ago. Thank you, mom. And I STILL love it. Nom nom nom nom. Sofffft. I like tank tops and interesting/long cardigans. I’m a bit of a ho for cargo pants. But I want to look nice, put together. I feel like this is part of the boy turning one. A milestone for me. Starting to care about how I look.

We’re going to a wedding at the end of the month. I really want to find a nice dress to wear. I ordered a bunch online to try and they all failed. Not to mention how oddly shaped the nursing bras make my shrinking due-to-not-as-much-nursing boobs look. Ugh ugh ugh.

One thing I’m pretty sure about: I’m on the lookout for perfect fun and funky ballet flats to wear with my long long jeans. I got these, but am not sure they’re the right size. Anyone have advice about FSNY? I can’t afford to mess this up. The website only had a few sizes and 10 was the only one remotely close to my size (8-1/2 or 9) but many women reported in reviews of other similar shoes that this company is waaaay off in sizing, usually too small. This one’s a new style. No reviews yet. I don’t know. They seem to fit, but what if they stretch?

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

At least these feel more plausible than the biker-betty-page boots. But I may keep those anyway, too. And wear them with ruffles. And not act my age. Maybe pony tails? I’m allowed, right? Not only am I a new mom, not only is my boy now one (phew!), but hey, I’m due for a midlife crisis.

Any suggestions for a nice tattoo?