the conclusion: lessons in compassion

First of all, let me say, I am bookmarking the comments from the previous post — nay! — I am printing them out POSTER SIZE and putting them up on the wall. I asked for support when I was feeling scared and lonely and you all gave me more than I imagined possible. I am full.

So, then came the second coda of this experience.

As time passed, and the support rolled in, and I started believing the mean things less, I also started feeling like maybe I could understand this person who’d attacked me. That there was something going on for her that made my messy muddling middling way beyond aggravating for her.

I got that it wasn’t really about me.

She eventually rewrote the post, took the links to my site out of it, reframed her position as a manifesto. Without going too much into her story, I will just say that I see that her position is very black and white, that my way of being doesn’t suit her worldview, and caused her to get angry. It still sucked to be on the receiving end of her riot act, but looking at things from her perspective (after I calmed down) has helped me to move on.

Which brings me to this idea of compassionate parenting. Sometimes called mindful or peaceful parenting. Stacy at Mama-Om is an extraordinary resource for information on and real-life application of this practice.

I’m still new at this concept, and only newly feeling in need of it. At 10 months plus, Jonah has mastered “no,” as well as other means of expressing his pleasure and dis-, his opinions, shall we say, which sometimes clash with mine. Especially when it comes to, oh-you-know, naps and bedtime.

I think peaceful parenting is asking me to see our conflicts from his perspective. Scott Noelle at enjoyparenting.com puts out a free e-newsletter on this type of strategy, and this past week he promoted the idea of the power of AND. Particularly in the scenario when I’m feeling like I want to nap (or meditate — oh how I miss my twice-daily meditation practice!) BUT the boy would prefer to play and play and play, not nap.

That day, I managed to balance the boy and a stack of fun, interactive books on my lap, turning the pages for him while he ran his fingers over the textured parts, lifted the flaps, and I gently closed my eyes and meditated for 20 minutes. A miracle of AND-ing.

I have joined a new monthly moms’ group based on this general idea also, using the book Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting as a touchstone. But (and?) not a rock for beating ourselves on the head with, thankyouverymuch.

Or maybe it all goes back to that page in the i ching I read when I was young — that talked about a wise leader determining the current of the river and capitalizing on the direction of that power.

You know: Going with the flow.

A-hem.