the surreal life

Because of facebook, I’ve reconnected with old high school friends, even ones with whom I may never share a single in-person conversation in our lives again, and in this way gained the status of only one degree of separation from a bevy of Hollywood celebrities (thanks to a particularly successful former pal who does P.R. in the town of tinsel).

Do you think Robert DeNiro would friend me?

But what blows my mind more than the tingly sparkle of once-removed fame is all the photos of people’s families and how I’ve become one of them. Sort of. I mean, given that I’m 39 years old, some of the families look different from mine — as many high school associates got on the procreation train at a much earlier station than I did.

But it’s not age that has me feeling… weird.

It’s the way that a picture tells a story, a story that you invent in your head. My life looks a certain way, based on my facebook page. My life looks a certain way in this blog too, but at least you have more words here to work with.

I “flip” through peoples’ “pages” and possibly it’s in the repetition. We all have essentially the same family photos. Perfectly normal of course, smile for the camera, and at the same time, a little Stepford.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to say this, but it seems like what facebook has done, in addition to providing a venue for reconnecting digitally with hundreds of people I might never have otherwise re-encountered analog, is that it’s turned us into unwitting marketers, creating advertorials of our lives, whether we mean to or not.

I’m not much of a social networker. I forget who first invited me to join facebook. I’ve friended a few people since then, just… because. I haven’t accepted anyone’s “scrabulous” invitations, haven’t accepted and returned any “good karma” requests or the recent spate of “lil green patch” plants. I’m not “good” at facebook. I fail to respond to various pokes and invites and then hope that my friends who are so active online (and WHERE are they finding the TIME???) will still stay friends with me IRL.

But, now, when I’m alone, bored, needing a break from work, a little taste of social, I go to facebook, click on this profile or that. In my empty office, pausing between projects, while the baby is out with the sitter or asleep, I get the illusion of company.

Comforting, and also lonely.

I have one friend who says that a majority shareholder in facebook is the CIA, or FBI, or something. After I heard that, I un-friended the only person whose invitation I’d accepted even though I didn’t know him. We shared the same last (my maiden) name and from what I could tell he seemed to be collecting us around the globe. But now I don’t want to be associated with his politics, by whomever is watching, so I destuck him from my “wall,” or whatever.

Paranoid? A little.

Twitter also makes me uncomfortable, but less so. Not because I have fear of anyone listening in, but simply because of the format. It seems to me like we’re all in this virtual room, shouting at each other, and not listening. I know that isn’t true, people are reading the “tweets” but if you look at the page, you can just picture this party, where all the guests are speaking in 140 character statements, with content merely glancing off each other at best.

Yes, some people do use Twitter as a kind of chat room where everyone can see your conversation if they’ve all subscribed to the feeds of the participants. Those partygoers are even more amazing because they’ll carry on several conversations at once, so if you “listen” to just one person, it sounds like they’re shouting non sequiteurs across the room to all corners at once.

At least on Twitter, it makes more sense to tell people what you had for lunch.

Surfing through blogs can be similarly problematic although it doesn’t bother me as much. But I can still lose myself in the illusion and feel somewhat empty after. All that intimacy and no flesh. All that first person narration… who are we talking to? Which is why I am so grateful when people comment here. I find the dialogues in comments (vs. Twitter) to be much easier to follow and more personable, more satisfying.

There are other ways to social network. And when I find the time, I may use some. StumbleUpon and Kirtsy, for example, which could help me connect with other bloggers, maybe reach new readers.

Still, it’s an ongoing issue, the meetings of the minds I find with some “virtual” friends online, vs. the people I need to see in body in order to feel, real.

And did I mention that somehow this new-mom gig (and how long do I get to play the new mom card?) has me pretty isolated if I’m not too careful.

It’s so easy to stay home with my new boy-friend, or go out into the world just us two, without calling others to meet up with us. And so easy to just space-out in front of the TV with husband after the boy goes to bed.

Getting into a relationship, and marriage took a major toll on my old social life, the hours I used to spend on the phone with friends, the places I went out to socialize almost every night of the week.

And then a bigger toll exacted by motherhood and the associated sleep deprivation, diaper duty, various care and feeding requirements.

So I need to work a little harder these days to remember to call my friends, to make plans, to accept plans when offers come my way. Or else I end up just surfing facebook again, asking Jessica Alba if she’ll accept a “starfish” for her “aquarium.”