the dryer post

I am in love with my new dryer.

Let me explain. Since, oh, 1987, I’ve been living in rooming houses and apartments which all boasted coin-operated dryers, unless they had no dryers at all, in which case, laundrymats, coin-operated. My experience of dryers is that one selects a temperature, selects a time period, and voila.

When we moved into the current house three years ago, there was an ancient, rusting Sears Kenmore Heavy-Duty beast in the laundry room, circa 1970 (?) or so. Glittery stickers peeling off the inside drum that rumbles noisily through its paces when engaged, the flop-down door missing its attach-cord things, the timer dial strangely loose so that when you set the time, it’s either 40 or 20 minutes, you’re never sure. And only three heat setting options. High, medium, and air.

(Have you ever noticed how most all clothes tags say tumble dry LOW?)

We have this thing called a home warranty where we get to call when stuff stops working and they come fix it. They’ve been out twice in three years for this dryer, but they always managed to get it going again. Until the timer dial finally died. The company no longer makes the replacement part. It’s THAT old.

We were told we could have a new dryer, with the model being based on the features our current dryer has.

And it would be the cheapest model they could get away with, because that’s how our home warranty company rolls.

However, they said, if I saw something else I wanted, they would give me a credit for the base model, and order me the other. This was my moment. I willingly paid the $108 upgrade fee to get a dryer that has a “Low” setting. FOUR heat options. Be still my heart.

Well, the thing came, and… hang me upside down and spank me silly, but dryers these days? The technology is INGENIOUS. (By the way, why is it not in-genius?)

By choosing the nicer dryer, we also got access to features like automatic drying sensors that turn the thing off when your clothes are done, and a wrinkle care setting where it whips the stuff on air-dry to loosen the folds.

Oh, and there’s a LIGHT inside!

I know. It’s like I’m an Amish kid hitting the nightclub circuit for the first time. Crazy.

There was a problem though. At first, it had a funny smell. A new-dryer, factory-dust, chemical-ly smell. And those who know me know that I am nothing if not ridiculously overcautious about all things chemical.

So first I ran the dryer empty.

Then I washed a couple of old towels and ran them through. But then I worried they got the chemicals on them. So I washed them and dried them again.

And then, since Scott is less paranoid about this sh*t (i.e.: not at all), he kindly let me run his clothes through next.

Our sheets came after that, but I forgot myself and ran them on medium, which got that rubber smell in the dryer — the fitted sheet has a rubber strap all the way around. I hate that sheet. So I had to soak a hand towel in water and run it through; twice.

Finally. Finally. After one more load of husband clothes, just for good measure. I was ready to do laundry. Load after load. The joy of automatic shut-off and wrinkle care unbounded.

Except that during that week when we didn’t have the dryer? We took our laundry to the fluff and fold people. And I have to say, THAT is really living. Spendy, yes. And a bother to haul all that stuff up and down our three flights of stairs, but man. Can those people FOLD!

Nice, and not really an option.

In the meantime, I’m starting to think about replacing our 80s era washer with the dryer’s mate. I can’t even imagine what technological advances are in store for me with that machine.

I mentioned to our financial counselor that I wanted to set $500 aside for the washer. That’s all? She asked, raised eyebrows of incredulity.

Yes. I know. There are lots of new, incredibly sexy washer dryers out there with front loading glass doors and paint jobs to rival a Corvette. And those cost WAY more. But when it comes to appliances, I’m easy to impress.

Oooh. A matching set!

Yes, I’m a cheap date.

And a freaking housewife. When did THAT happen? Yikes.