and then I had to TEACH swim class

So the perils afflicting my beloved prenatal swim class continue. First there was the sore throat, and then the mystery of the missing bathing suit, and then, on Friday, NO TEACHER.

What???

I spend my entire day literally waiting for swim class to come. It’s the highlight of my whole week. This time, I was early, I had my suit, everything was good, except… our teacher had called in sick.

At first, the two boys who lifeguard during our class debated whether to try to teach our class for us. Haven’t they watched us go round and round twice a week for months?  They put a CD in the boom box, and the skinnier one, a young Asian boy, approached the edge of the shallow pool and attempted to suggest a move. “Um… walk around in a circle?” he said.

Right. Um… no.

That little toothpick telling us big swollen-bellied and buoyant mamas what to do? Not gonna happen.

So we circled up ourselves and after a little bit of conferring we agreed to do as many exercises as we could collectively remember, starting with a low, crouching swaying crab-like number. Having just taught an improv class last weekend, and fearing my beloved swim hour jeopardized, I took control of the situation, exhorting the others to help me to remember exercises, and then shouting out the general instructions.

I was willing to be loud. That helped. No one particularly wanted to be in charge. But everyone seemed to have ideas of what we should do. I took every suggestion I could get. I led, essentially, by following. Very I Ching.

It was particularly embarrassing, doing these strange maneuvers — skipping, squatting, lunging, kicking, running, voluntarily, without the authority of a real teacher to make it more normal. Put a noodle between my legs and bicycle like a seahorse? Of course. I thought you’d never ask!

We took a little extra time for that part at the end where we float around in the semi-dark, supported by two of those foam noodles — to a soft classical piano piece that toothpick boy found for us on his iPod.

I was the last one to open my eyes and surrender the noodles. Yes, my devotion to the water is a little beyond average.

I ran into toothpick boy again in the hall as I was shivering my way towards the locker room. He said, “Hey, do you want a job here?”

Hmmmm….