dear “pregnant and miserable”

I recently had a conversation with a friend who has been keeping up with this blog, and she said something about how happy my pregnancy has been.

Which got me thinking. I realize that in general I try not to dwell too much on the hard parts in this space. Not that I haven’t talked about fear, panic, and worry. But I don’t go too far into the darker days, the mean moods, the crying jags. I mean, I’m sure I’ve mentioned them… once or twice.

And then I came across this post in Toddled Dredge.

I commented there, but I was surprised by how it felt to try to write to someone “miserable.”

It made me wonder if maybe I’m not as miserable as I think. I mean, maybe it’s just the sunny illustration Scott created for this site, that I mostly write in a positive tone, but maybe it’s something else. Maybe I really am okay most of the time. For those who have known me since my 20s, or even since high school, you know what an accomplishment this is.

At an official high school graduation luncheon, many of us received gag “awards;” mine was the Black Cloud Award, i.e.: “Even on a sunny day, Julie has a black cloud over her head,” said the presenting teacher, Mr. Werner. And I couldn’t complain. Actually, I was stunned by the accuracy of it.

It’s been a long road to get to this place of reasonable contentment, pregnancy or no. Thank you to everyone who has participated in my journey, and is still speaking to me.