first time: click
Ever since Jonah was born, practically, I’ve been clicking my tongue at him. My mother always said she used to do that for me, and that I’d found it fascinating and imitated her.
I click my tongue and Jonah looks. I click my tongue in melodies too. He likes that.
I also open and close my mouth to make a pop-pop sound, like what one might hear in a fish tank.
Lately he’s been popping his mouth open and closed. Maybe imitating that, or us talking.
Today, just now, when he came off the boob, his tongue got stuck on the roof of his mouth, and slid off with a satisfying tschick.
!
He looked at me. I clicked my tongue at him. He smiled, tried it again.
And there we were.
Click.
Click click.
Click click.
Smiles.
Click.
Back and forth.
A-maz-ing!
Posted by calm mama on Saturday, May 10th, 2008 at 1:25 pm in milestones, baby baby baby | comments » | 
getting him to nap
8:30 a.m. He yawns. Place him in crib with rolled towels on either side as bolsters to hold him on his side. Pacifier in mouth. Lovey (small square fuzzy blanket with stuffie dog-head in center) under one arm. Goodbye Mr. Sun, we’re taking a nap. Put lullabye CD in player on low. Leave room.
8:34 a.m. Strange scuffle snort squeak sounds. Go into room. Boy is lying on back, arms and legs flailing, lovey sqarely on his face. Pull lovey off face. Boy laughs hysterically. This is his favorite game. Roll boy back onto side. Rub back a little. We’re taking a nap. Leave room.
8:something a.m. Very consistent whiney cry. Go back into room. No tears, but won’t stop cry/whine. Sit in child’s chair next to crib and lean in, in order to: Shush, pat, rub, stroke for an extended period. Time passes. At one point, he stops crying, looks up at you. Reaches towards your face with one hand. Continue stroking his head. Still no luck. Boy resumes crying. Lean your entire upper body over side, into crib, rest your head against his chest. Continue shushing and patting. Doubt whether you are doing any of this right or not. Worry that picking him up now will teach him bad habits. Give up, take him out of crib, try old rock-bounce technique. No luck. Check diaper. Wet. Change diaper. Return to crib. Boy resumes whiney cry. Shush pat some more. Check clock. It is now 9:15 a.m. Leave room. Cry.
9:17 a.m. Both of you are crying. Return to room. Take boy out of crib, pacifier out of mouth. Sit down in glider. Nurse.
9:34 a.m. Boy stops nursing. Falls asleep on lap. Place boy on back between towel bolsters in crib. Worry about suffocation risk. Tuck lovey under his arm. Exit.
10:04 a.m. Boy awakens, crying.
10:07 Concede. Remove baby from crib. Nurse.
10:17 a.m. Pray boy has forgiven you. Resume playing.
Posted by calm mama on Saturday, May 10th, 2008 at 9:45 am in sleep, baby baby baby | comments » |
long time, no blog (amended to add)
Letting the days go by? Hardly. Working my butt off, in two directions is more like it.
Physical butt: Been to three yoga classes this week (mom/baby variety), planning to hit the fourth tomorrow. Plus I even went back to my old improv practice group.
Other butt: I got a new wahm assignment, a belated result of THAT job interview. Book editing! Woohoo! As previously discussed, the pay hardly outpaces the cost of childcare, but in this particular case, the using-my-brain aspect makes up for it. Oh, and it’s good for the resume. (I was going to add “blah blah blah” but really, it’s not; keeping any kind of resume together post-baby is quite an accomplishment, not one I had high hopes of accomplishing myself.)
Actually, it’s remarkable. Between working this week, doing all the yoga, and going back to improv, my general mood has lifted quite a bit. Not that you’d notice (?) from what I write here. I try to stay out of the pity pot on the blog. (How am I doing?)
Seems like if I fall into complaining too much on the Internet, really using my writing to revel in the sublime misery, slather myself with wondrous woe, believe every fear in my brain like it was an academy-award-winning documentary, I find, I can get even more down. Like how Oprah says to do a gratitude list every day to improve your outlook on life, only the opposite.
So I try. Aaaa-ccentuate the pos-i-tive. Of course, occasionally I have to tell you the hard stuff, or I would lose my sh*t wouldn’t be being honest.
In other news: I think I finally decided on a stroller. Not going to jinx it by telling you, yet. But this conversation helped:
Him: You’re not going to find the perfect stroller.
Me: Why not?
Him: Because the perfect stroller only exists in your head. It doesn’t exist in real life.
Me: Oh.
Him: It’s like my coffee mug.
…only it’s not like his coffee mug. He found the perfect travel coffee mug. It took a lot of research, and a lot of ebay auctions since once he found it, it was hard to come by. Starbucks sold it, then Caribu Coffee Company. Scott has it in almost every color. Lately you can buy it at Target, and I have to say, if I can find a stroller as useful and stylish as that mug, I’ll be strolling with it.
* * *
Amended to add…
I just read this post this morning. Got a chance to see what others are up to on the Web since I’m awake at 6:30 a.m., and Scott has the boy at the moment. Ah, morning. I hear daddy singing and baby chirps coming from the other room as I type this.
A propos of my above-stated desire to stay mostly (70%?) on the good foot when I blog, and my recent earth-day-related desire to do be a more conscious citizen of the planet in my own small way, I ask you to read my dear friend Leila’s blog post and to pray (in whatever way you like) for her and for our world.
Posted by calm mama on Thursday, May 8th, 2008 at 7:55 pm in wahm, baby baby baby | 2 Comments » |
things and stuff: stats, yoga, gear, sleep, toys
As of his recent pediatrician appointment, the boy is 13 pounds 9 ounces and 26 and 1/2 inches long. Tall and skinny in baby-ese.
* * *
Last week we tried a new mom-and-baby yoga class. This one was much more baby-focused than my usual.
Pink rose petals on the floor in the doorway, yellow flowers in vases and candles in holders scattered about, music playing as you enter. Four helpers scuttle around helping people get settled, signed in. Each yoga station has a mat, a pile of props, and a baby bed made from two pillows, a wool blanket folded, and a towel. Each bed has a blanket and an extra towel on top. You select your spot; a helper brings you two toys, one plush, one wooden, for baby, offers to remove your carseat to the other room. The first hour is all stretches and movements done while holding, swinging, and bending down and kissing the baby. Next we are instructed to strip the babies naked. The helpers come around with bowls and bottles of oils and we are led through a thorough baby massage. There’s a break in which we are nursing and the helpers offer swaddling blankets. Many babies fall asleep after this. The ones that don’t are offered a bounce on a ball with one of the helpers while the moms do an hour of mom-only poses. And at the end, we sing to the babies. All for only $16.
* * *
I went to BRU this week to try out the cheaper options in stroller land. All I can say is: Will you still be my friend if I don’t go the sensible route? Abandon all reason, ye who enter into the land of high-end baby gear. And the people said ah-meyn and pulled out their credit cards.
No, I still haven’t decided on which jog/all-terrain stroller yet. Decisions are not my strong point.
* * *
The boy took four naps today. FOUR! Two of them were nice and looooong. On Saturday he took one 2-1/2 hour nap and maybe one other quickie, I can’t remember. Today I was hanging out with a pregnant friend who was grilling me on baby care. Jonah was on his third nap of the day when we met up. Oh no, she said — does this mean he won’t sleep tonight? No, I said. Sleep begets sleep. Or at least that’s what THEY say. Or at least I’ve noticed that it hardly seems to matter what his nap pattern is, he still sleeps the same amount at night. Are there things that you do that work to help him to nap, or is it totally random? she asked. I’m going to go with random, I said. Oh, she said. There are things that we do, I said, that when they work you think: I am a superhero, and then sometimes they don’t work. Oh, she said, yeah.
And then I told her that other truth: The first three months it’s colic. After that it’s teething.
But I guess we do have some things that work, most of the time. Most of the time, if he’s tired, a stroller ride will get him to fall asleep. Or the car. The car fails more often than the stroller. Sometimes a bjorn or moby walk works — less often than stroller, more often than car. Once in a while, he’ll just fall asleep in my lap; usually if this happens, it’s during a moms group meeting. Like so:
And from another angle:
Almost every night, around 8p.m., Scott rocks and sings Jonah to sleep and then puts him down in the co-sleeper. We watch TV in the living room and then join him around 10:30. One night the rocking didn’t work and Scott brought him back out and handed him to me and he promptly fell asleep on my shoulder.
On Saturday, for the midday nap, we tried some aspects of a new technique we cribbed from the report from a mom in the moms group who’d hired a $100/hour sleep consultant (5 hour minimum), or rather Scott cribbed since I wasn’t around. He put Jonah on his side in the crib (pun unintended) with rolled up towels to bolster him, and let him fuss a bit and then went in and “reassured him,” and then let him fuss a bit more, and then after about two rounds of this, Jonah had fallen asleep.
The sleep consultant had used a shush-pat technique that sounds similar to the Baby Whisperer. I don’t know if Scott shush-patted, and he’s asleep now so I can’t ask.
It turns out the consultant had also prescribed the white noise machine, so I learned today in a follow-up email. We don’t have one of those though.
Counting Baby Whisperer, which I haven’t looked at in weeks, I now have three sleep books that I’ve partially skimmed. I don’t seem to have the attention span to actually read them. Which is why stealing tips from an expensive consultant via a friend’s success story email is so much more do-able.
Could what we are doing be called CIO? I don’t think so. But Scott’s early success with the variation on the shush-pat and reassure is emboldening. Of course we haven’t tried it and encountered the full out tortured-cry response… yet? We’ll see how we do if it gets to that. I still feel skeptical of the term “self-soothe.” Ugh. It may be true, who am I to say? But it gives me the willies.
Are we moving Jonah to his own room? So far, only for naps.
* * *
Teething: The evidence.
Here’s a pic of the boy with my two recent favorite toys:
And — Boy in Hat with Crazy Crab:
Posted by calm mama on Sunday, May 4th, 2008 at 10:20 pm in sleep, baby pics, postnatal exercise, baby baby baby | 8 Comments » |
some nice things
I’ve decided to let go of the word “shill.” Sometimes I like things and I need to talk about them. If I ever rave about something I get for free, I’ll let you know.
Jasmine Lime Cooler: You could make this at home, with some brewed jasmine tea and Odwalla’s limeade, or be even more crafty and make your own limeade. I should do that since I like using agave as a sweetener, but really, who doesn’t like to just walk into Peet’s and buy the large cuppa, already made, on a beautiful sunny day? I only wish this stuff was available year-round.
Zooper Twist: A stroller in the hand is worth two that I’m obsessing about in my brain but haven’t bought yet… I used our Twist again today and I have to say, for an umbrella stroller, it really held up to the hills of my neighborhood. Plus I could carry it down our 36 stairs in one hand, baby in the other. I just read tonight that the front wheels can be locked, which I will try next time as that might make long walks even more enjoyable. I still so adore the included accessories — we used the UV netting today. Lucky you, if you buy one this year, now they come with a lovely head support cushion. I’m currently inserting the one we got at Wal-Mart in Kauai.
In the meantime, I obsessively test drove strollers again on Monday and am currently waffling between the Baby Jogger City Elite, which pushes, I-kid-you-not LIKE BUTTAH, turns on the head of a pin, and folds up with a flick of one hand, but has the teeny-tiniest under basket — how can I walk to the grocery store and do any real shopping? — and a bunch of why-bother little pockets all over the back of the canopy as if that would make up for it; and the Valco Tri-Mode which has a more ample basket, more padding, and cuter colors, but the fold is more complex, and the ride is not AS smooth because it has these fancy shock absorbers which should be a plus but I’m not sure (the BOB is even bouncier for the same reason).
If I had it to do over, I might have started with the Trimode and optional bassinet attachment, but now Jonah’s almost too old for a bassinet. Oh, how I am seduced by all manner of baby gear. Sigh. What happened to my desire for a BOB? After trying the others, the BOB now feels too bare bones and bouncy (it’s a true jogging stroller, these others have air tires but are considered all-terrain strollers — let’s be honest, I’m NEVER going to jog).
Amber necklace: It’s probably a bunch of hooey, but it looks cute, so what the heck. I got the dark amber because I think it looks more manly. It does SEEM like he’s drooling less, and his neck rash SEEMS to have cleared up since he started wearing it. Whether both are the result of amber’s purported healing powers, or the rash gone because of the drooling being reduced, or a coincidence, who knows?
In other nice news:
Jonah’s sleep continues to mostly be fine again. Sometimes he wakes up about 45 minutes after he goes down for the night and seems to just need to be cuddled. Awwww. Tonight we’re trying out a new kind of cloth diaper, to see if that helps him sleep longer. He seemed to like the soft flannel right away. A pleasant change from the relatively rough texture of the diaper service prefolds.
Scott’s mom was visiting over the last five days and it was a pleasure. And I’m not just saying that because I know she reads the blog. (Hi Marcia!) She was great with Jonah and super helpful all-around. We had an especially nice time visiting the reptiles and amphibians at the East Bay Vivarium (we both cringed at the arachnids), and she even enjoyed sharing in my new favorite dessert, Coconut Bliss.
Posted by calm mama on Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 at 10:15 pm in product reviews | 4 Comments » |
i am not a shill: kenneth cole baby clothes
I am however happy to engage in a little bloggy-love based commerce. See what I mean in the rest of this post, below. This was written, and photos taken, over a month ago, and intended to be posted on another website, FYI…
* * *
Your Reaction Will Depend on Your Point of Reference
Kenneth Cole makes baby clothes? A free outfit in exchange for a little review? Sign me up!
I mean, really. Kenneth Cole IS fashion, no? New York, street chic. Kenneth Cole was my first best pair of black satin kitten heels. Kenneth Cole was the first pair of hip shoes my now-husband bought on our fourth date, the will-you-help-me-redo-my-wardrobe-?-date which also included a trip to the Lucky Brand store for jeans and a shirt. (Hey Lucky — I hear you make kids clothes too. Ever heard of BlogHer?)
The day the package arrived, my teen mother’s helper was with me: a tall, blonde, ballet dancer and junior at the local alternative high school. We opened the package together, took out the three-piece ensemble: a white sweat suit with brown trim and a white, brown, beige, and blue striped onesie to go underneath.
“It looks like something my ex-boyfriend would wear!” she exclaimed, explaining that her ex is a young white boy who tends toward the hip hop vernacular and sports a “grill” on both his top and bottom teeth. In other words, K-Cole looks a little K-Fed.
My husband came home from work and spotted the outfit hanging from a chair in the dining room.
“It looks like the astronaut suit from Planet of the Apes!” he said. My husband being an avid collector of 1970s vintage action figures, big screen and small, this would be his point of reference.
I’d gotten a kind of astronaut/storm trooper hit on it also, though not as specific. The first thing I keyed into was the round blurry logo/badge thing on the left side, as if someone had taken a big-person-clothes design and simply shrunk it, without considering what the end result would look like. This is because I work in editing and am familiar with this type of graphic design snafu. With effort I could make out the words “Kenneth Cole Reaction” in the circles within circles of squigglies.
After all of our initial Reaction-s, we three agreed that while we wouldn’t necessarily want to dress an adult in this outfit, it would be cute on a baby.
The positives: I like the contrast stitching. The pockets on the butt and leg are cute. The fabric of the pants is stiff and thin, not a fluffy fleece. Good for summer. The sweatshirt is the same fabric lined with softer t-shirt material.
I’m not sure white would be my first choice if I were shopping for this in a store — I usually veer towards color, and lots of it — but I can appreciate that the greasy spit-up residue stains will be much less noticeable on it. As far as the onesie goes, I am ALWAYS a fan of stripes, and the blue-brown combo is subtle and pleasing; plus, the cotton on this piece is nice and soft and thick.
The first thing I did with the outfit, after garnering opinions, was wash it, and I don’t currently own an iron, being somewhere between lazy and not that type of girl, so you may notice some wrinkling in the photos. It would look sharper if pressed. However the wrinkles do tone down the hip-hop astronaut-ness of the garments.
The outfit is too big for him just now — a risk when getting freebies. For the sake of the pictures, I had to add shoes, and only his silver tennies, which are also currently too big, would really match. Hey, Kenneth Cole, how about some baby SHOES??? The good news is in a few months he can sport this outfit and kicks together legitimately, although he’ll always try to kick them off (see photos).
Also in the photos my boy is wearing his big bulky cloth diaper, which kind of fills up the pants in an unflattering manner. A downside to the pants that I didn’t think of until we put the outfit into action is that the stripes show through the white material; in addition, the pants don’t unsnap at the crotch. Snaps in that area make diaper changes ever so much easier.
But he does look handsome in it.
Of course we had to photograph him with the Apes.
Posted by calm mama on Friday, April 25th, 2008 at 7:32 pm in baby pics, baby baby baby, product reviews | 6 Comments » |
back on track
For those of you following my minute-by-minute reports on Jonah’s sleep patterns, that one day was more of an aberration. He’s back on track (who is driving this train?) with his usual sleep and general nap times, though none of us could get him down for that third nap yesterday. These things happen.
I do think teething was to blame for that really rough day. And possibly that we tried a new homeopathic remedy that is supposed to be good for colic and reflux but all I could see so far is that it coincided with his disrupted sleep and made him spit up black goo (it has vegetable charcoal in it) which is not fun to clean up. I hear from the mom that recommended the stuff to me that homeopathics are supposed to bring up the problem on the path to resolving it. Huh. I’m plain sick of remedies, actually. But since the psychic chiropractor had also said it would be good for him, I made myself try it. I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t believe in it enough to bother with all the washing up using it entails.
We have our 5-month pediatrician appt today so just for fun, I decided to track his nursing schedule. They always ask how often he nurses, and I always make something up, I don’t know, 6-8 times a day? It’s on-demand, I explain.
Well, guess what. My boy still nurses 12 times a day. In a 24-hour day. A WHOPPING ! 12 ! times.
I hear the moms in my MG are down to 4-5 feedings. One mom sternly adheres to an every 3-hours or more, not less, schedule.
Given that this boy is the one who came into the world starving, I shouldn’t say I’m surprised. But it does help to put my ongoing exhaustion in perspective. It’s a lot of work, feeding this baby.
He is napping right now (woo hoo!) which gives me a moment to check in here.
And I’ll say these things about him:
Damn! He’s cute!
The laughing: I looooooove the laughing. Yesterday as we were strolling, him in bucket gazing up at me, he just laughed and laughed, pausing to see if I knew what was funny, and each time he paused I smiled and nodded, and he laughed again.
Grasshopper: This is his new nickname in honor of the crazy lying on his back dance that he does — the feet rubbing together are entirely insect-like.
Toys: We are now fully engaging in toys. Especially his new bright red and blue monkey from Nana and his big red crinkly-wrinkly “Peekaboo” cloth book. Both animal and book are excellent for placing atop one’s face and then wriggling about underneath in a help-help-please-save-me-oh-never-mind-i’m-fine-just-going-to-gnaw-on-this-a-bit sort of way. The bear bouncer, so useful and interesting of yore, has worn out its welcome. He’s moved beyond beige or/and vibrating. (You can view a photo of happier days in the bear chair on my recently-revised About page.) Except for the beige “Hug Me” organic mobile, which continues to entertain, as long as I continue to run in and wind it up every three minutes. And while all recently mentioned toys are still popular (O-Ball, Kringelring), he was quite content with the cardboard sleeve from a Starbucks cup yesterday as well.
MILIIT: My mother in law is in town for the week. Yesterday she came with us to yoga, and we went on a next-size-up shopping spree at Baby Gap. Today she’s going with us to the ped, and then all bets are off because who knows how the vaccines will affect him this time.
I’m not a shill: Yes I am. Today I shill for the Pumpin’ Pal. I wish I could get a commission for this… So I’ve always HATED pumping. I’ve found it not only tedious, but painful and uncomfortable no matter what combination of suction speed and frequency I try. I saw these shields mentioned on a breastfeeding advice site, particularly in relation to providing comfort for larger-boobed gals, and thought, what’s another 32 bucks? Well spent, that’s what. Didn’t hurt, got more milk more easily than before. I should note that I had been using the Medela standard-size shields and hadn’t tried the larger ones, which might also have been better for me. But what if the Pumpin’ Pal’s curves are what makes them magic? Who knows.
Posted by calm mama on Friday, April 25th, 2008 at 8:51 am in psychic chiropractor, sleep, baby baby baby, recommendations | 4 Comments » |
sleep interrupted
Yesterday’s noble optimism has been clouded by today’s lack of sleep.
He just didn’t sleep today. From 5 a.m. on. Okay, he took mini naps, nap-ettes at 3 and 5. And wouldn’t go to sleep until after 8, and after exhaustive effort on our part to make it so. Who is THIS boy?
He’s also less and less a fan of his pacifier lately. I wonder if this has something to do with the sleep disruption? He needs to learn a new way to soothe himself? We had one of our crying-together jags in the car on the way to our stroller consultation. Neither of us was happy about his not sleeping.
And today I forgot to bring bags with me when I left the house, so I didn’t go to the Farmers’ market. I don’t think that’s the point of making resolutions, but that’s what happened. Not that Mr. Happy was really in a state to accompany me anyway. He fussed through lunch with a friend, slept briefly in the stroller, and then nursed a lot at a local mom-and-baby store where they have lots of plush seating and a public changing table for our out-in-the-world comfort, while I discussed strollers with the mom who worked there — as she nursed her daughter; probably one of the only places you CAN nurse at work.
No, I did not buy a new stroller today. Still can’t decide.
Posted by calm mama on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm in baby baby baby, don't panic | 3 Comments » |
the planet he will inherit
Reading this article by Michael Pollan tonight reminded me of college. I took a class called “Controlling Processes” with Professor Laura Nader (sister of Ralph, and much more interesting). Every week, as we discussed all the different ways one can be controlled in society — standardized tests, public-space architecture, consent manufacturing (a la Noam Chomsky), and on and on… the students would often express hopelessness. Which was an endless source of disappointment for Nader. Why weren’t we inspired to action?
The first three pages of the article had me pretty depressed. Global warming, carbon footprints. And you all already know that there is no way I will voluntarily install CFLs or become a vegan.
But in the end, Pollan suggests that the revolutionary action we can take is to grow our own food. From seed.
He makes very good points about how a backyard garden connects us to the earth, to our neighbors, to our own capacity to provide food for ourselves, and is a source of exercise. He says during WWII that backyard gardens yeilded 40% of the country’s produce.
Now I can’t say I’ve grown vegetables from seed yet. But I have wanted to. So I am resolving to. Maybe not right away, but sometime soon. Jonah will enjoy backyard farming, no? And we already have the fruit trees, whose output we share with our neighbors. And we compost our kitchen scraps.
The article reminded me of the mounting concern I’m having about plastics and waste. I’ve thrown away waaaaay too many plastic bags in my time. I resolve tonight to cut it all down. We WILL take cloth bags to the Farmers’ Market. I will wash and reuse the plastic bags we have. When I studied abroad in Russia in 1991, my friends all had clotheslines and pins in the kitchen for washing and hanging their grocery bags. Not to mention that soda vendors required you to bring your own bottles, and vending machines and soda vending trucks — like tankers, full of yeasty beer-like soda — actually had glasses and little bidets so you could wash the glass, drink the soda, and return it.
A few weeks back, I saw part of a documentary on how much oil it takes to make the disposable diapers we occasionally use. As well as plastic bags, etc. I looked into biodegradable diapers, but they use that Super Absorbent Gel, which I am still currently not interested in having near my boy’s sensitive skin.
Another suggestion that Pollan makes is to observe Shabbat. One day a week: No commerce, no electricity, no driving.
This weekend, we were in L.A. for Passover, visiting family. I left my laptop at home. Scott’s laptop, for some reason, would not connect to the wireless Internet at my parents’ condo. It really felt like a vacation. We were present with each other in a different way. So much so that Pollan’s suggestion of sabbath, rather than sounding far fetched, sounds really attractive. No electricity is a far piece from no e-mail, but one day of walking, a few candles, unplugging… Let’s say I have hope. It is the way of my people, after all, or at least some of them.
Posted by calm mama on Monday, April 21st, 2008 at 9:29 pm in back to the land, baby baby baby | 5 Comments » |
sleeeeeep and crying
The saga continues…
He was on an every three hours schedule last night. I think.
Have I mentioned before that nearly every mom in my moms group is doing “cry it out”? They’re all emailing the yahoo group about it. Trials, tribulations, techniques, tears. At our meeting this week I admitted that I feel a little odd-mom-out-ish. But that generally, what we’re doing is working for us. Everyone was very supportive about it. We love you no matter how you raise your baby. And anyway, Weissbluth writes about co-sleeping as an option, so it’s oh-kayyy.
I do think it’s an apples- and oranges-shaped-babies thing. The CIO moms are for the most part battling bigger issues, like babies who wake up 20 minutes after going to sleep, and mommies who are starting back to their full time jobs.
A smaller subset of our group worries about how to break baby of the pacifier habit, or how to convince baby to take the pacifier — again, depending on individual goals and fears.
Last night, after the 3:45 a.m. feeding, I couldn’t go back to sleep. (Jonah and Scott could). So I got up and made a toast-and-cheese snack and read this article our baby massage teacher gave us that was lying on the counter. An article about crying, by the woman known to be an authority on baby massage.
Make that a rant. For one thing, baby massage cannot stop a baby from crying, she says. True that.
For another thing, she says we don’t let babies cry when they need to release stress.
I remember hearing about this before I had a baby, and thinking, true that. Babies have stress. They will cry. I sure do.
Jonah fusses, and cries. But he always seems to have a point. For example, just now he was raising a ruckus in his swing. It’s a jungle theme swing with creatures swirling circularly overhead. We like to say, oh, he’s just yelling at the monkey. But actually, I’m finding that if he’s really yelling, it’s usually because he’s wet. Maybe he’s saying “Hey Monkey! Will you get off that jungle-go-round and change my dang diaper???”
In the just-now time, he wasn’t so shrill, but he was a-yellin some. So I went over, turned off the swing, gave him a ring to suck on, and voila. Quiet.
For a bit.
And then he started to cry. The cry with a little chuckle in it.
That’s the hungry cry. So now he’s nursing (while I type — how’s that for multi tasking?).
My point is that Jonah has almost never, that I can remember, just needed to cry. He’s always hungry, tired, wet, otherwise uncomfortable, experiencing gas, reflux, teething. As romantic as it sounds, I’m not sure he’s yet familiar with ennui.
And those times when I couldn’t figure out what he wanted? The times he seemed inconsolable? I’d bet he was tired then too. Just he or I couldn’t figure out how to get him to sleep.
Even the needing to be held part has been suspect, up till recently. Especially when he was younger. In roughly the first three quarters of his short life, being cuddled never seemed to be the answer.
He’s more cuddly now. And for better or worse, he occasionally seems to be expressing a preference for sleeping in bed with us, rather than the co-sleeper.
He’s very expressive of his preferences — with his hands. Reaching and grabbing and holding onto boob, face, nose, mouth. He holds my wrist, pulls my hand against his forehead as he’s crying. Put your palm here, soothe me this way.
He’ll grab a finger and guide it along his gum line, pausing at different points to gnaw.
He’ll guide a hand holding the pacifier to his mouth, and he’ll remove the pacifier with a decisive flick of fingers under the plastic shield. Fwoppp!
Which brings me to the offhand comment that famous writer/massage lady said in her article. Something about us plugging up babies’ mouths for our own convenience.
I hope I’m not teaching Jonah not to express himself. I try to ask him, as if he’d answer. Do you want the pacifier? Sometimes he purses his lips quite firmly against the tip. NO. Other times a tickle and he opens up, takes it in. It seems to soothe him.
The moms in my group trying to break the paci habit have the babies that fall asleep with it in their mouths, and then wake themselves up if the paci falls out.
This isn’t Jonah’s problem. When he falls asleep, it falls out. He stays asleep, mouth agape.
What are we communicating? What are we teaching? This is always my fear. Especially when reading a preachy article at 4 a.m.
Scott’s mother says she always played the radio when he went to sleep as a baby, so that she could use the radio as a cue to help him sleep anywhere. And he still falls asleep to the radio to this day, a pair of headphones under his pillow.